I’ve been in quarantine since I saw my primary care physician on March 10. Due to my asthma I’m considered to be high risk should I contract coronavirus. So I’ve been staying home save for rare trips to the grocery store and pharmacy; perfectly content staying in my own little world for as long as it takes to flatten the curve and keep people safe. Still, it’s no vacation. Though I’ve not felt panicked, I have felt overwhelmed at times in these last three weeks. I miss my mother’s hugs and my friends’ laughing faces. It’s hard channeling this weird kind of anxious energy into something else especially into something “creative”. So I’m not really asking that of myself right now. For the moment,I think it’s okay to just be and process what’s happening.
I know I’m lucky that I can give myself the time and space to do that. Granted, I can’t predict the future no matter how definite it seems, but my day job is pretty recession proof and so I’m not worried about being able to keep the bills paid during this quarantine even if it goes on indefinitely. I recognize that I have this privilege when I consider others who don’t know what life will look like next week or even tomorrow because they’ve lost their jobs or are in a precarious situation because of COVID-19, job or no job. In that sense I have a great deal of wealth even though by all other metrics I’m just scraping by. So I’m grateful and adamant to do my part to stop the spread.
Even with everything that’s happening, I’ll eventually still want to “make and do” as best I can because I’m afraid if I don’t, in the long run, I’ll have a harder time coping with this life change. So I’ve been going through my stash of fabrics and other materials to see what projects I can accomplish right now with what I have. I’ve put building my garden on hold indefinitely and some of the projects I’ve planned for the house have to take a backseat too. That leaves me with some smaller sewing projects and things like drawing and writing. Over the coming days I’ll share with you what I’ve come up with though I don’t think I’ll have to abandon my 2020 creative goals completely.
When I restarted this blog I made a promise to myself to keep posting until I hit a stride no matter what the obstacle may be. This pandemic and the world’s response (or lack thereof) certainly qualifies as an obstacle. I guess what makes it a tiny bit easier to not be so hard on myself about what I’m capable of achieving right now is that this set back is something everyone is going through. We’re all in the same boat trying to survive. My sincerest wish and hope for you, dear reader, is that you try your hardest to stay safe and that in whatever way possible you try to keep in regular contact with your loved ones. I also hope that you aren’t hard on yourself for not “doing” or looking for ways to be productive if that’s just not what you have the capacity for at the moment. We are in uncharted waters and still trying to find our way (to stretch this boat metaphor out as far as possible) so give yourself time to adjust.
I’ll see you soon.